Friday, August 06, 2004

The World According To Badonkablogger

So it seems it's Friday. The total amount of wasted time at work on Friday's just in my city alone, must amount to more hours then I probably will spend in this life. I can't remember the last productive Friday I had. My Friday's usually consist of getting in late and leaving early. The space between those two integral times usually is nothing more then surfing the internet and figuring out who my weekend appointment will be with.

I sometimes wonder what would have happen if I took the path more righteous. I actually used to be a productive member of society. My undergrad degree was in engineering. I at one time had a respectable girlfriend. Then somewhere around 24, I decided I was too bored and to poor to stay productive any more. Went back to school, ditched the girlfriend, and engaged in a lifelong journey into the darker side of life. Being a lawyer. There are a few advantages. When I think of them I'll let you know. One of them is that I get a $1000 a month vehicle allowance.
At first it seems like a lot, but that has to cover, lease, insurance, maintenance and fuel. Inevitably by the end of the month, some of that money always comes out of my own pocket. I like the infinite I'm driving now, and I could renew the lease for another 6 months, but the winters here are so unpredictable, I really need a 4x4. Not too mention how in the fuck would I get up to the cottage for skiing. Last year, we had drifts up past the balcony on my condo, which is at least 15 feet high. It might be wise to actually buy the vehicles and own two of them, but that's too much like a commitment.

I have to go to a fundraiser tonight in honor of one of my co-workers. It's basically a roast, but they are trying to tame it down and call it a Sauter. They shouldn't have asked me to speak if they just wanted a Sauter. I know more dirt about this guy. I'll draw the line at ruining his marriage. He's got a thing for hookers, or escorts as I like to call them. You're probably thinking this guy is an ugly old crusty looking fellow. Well he's not. He's pretty much you're typical athletic, good looking guy with a really, really hot wife. He's Italian though, so he doesn't want any dirty women raising his children. As warped as it sounds I tend to agree with him. Not that I want kids, but if I did have any, I wouldn't want my wife kissing them just after she got done performing a concerto on the skin flute.

This segways into another thought. The insurmountable odds you must overcome in marriage. If you're a reasonably good looking person, you or your spouse is going to cheat. So why get married? One of the guys I frequent the gentlemens clubs with often, happens to be a private investigator. I met him through work here. Most of his work is tailing husbands or wives who are "working late" and finding out in fact if they are having an affair with someone. He's come to the conclusion that if you think they are, then they are. He can't think of one instance where someone has come to him asking him to find out what their other half is doing, and it being something innocent. On the other half, even if you don't think your spouse is having an affair they probably still are. Especially guys, we're pigs. I avoid the caging that most pigs get by staying single. Those cages stink, and are pretty messy unless your cage cleaner maintains it, but then your cage clean is probably a nagging bitch and a clean cage isn't worth the aggravation.

Instead of a cage, I have a cave. I hire a cute little latino girl to some in and clean it for me. She does a great job, and even goes as far as making me dinner a few nights a week. That's not even part of the agreement. She tries to give me language lessons all the time in Spanish, which is kind of cool. I'm not afraid to tell her when her cooking is shit, she takes it well, and I'll just take her out to dinner somewhere when that happens. I think she does it on purpose just so I take her out. She always manages to have a nice change of clothes to wear, so my spider sense is telling me its a rouge.

Notice the word cage and cave are very similar. Women will try to convince men that not much will change when they get married. They say they will be changes, but ever so small changes. Like changing your cave to a cage. Lexically I agree, it's a small change, but go ask mr. bear in the woods which he prefers. And to think, we're supposed to be the superior intellect on this planet.

Well I should wrap this up, this is running into a 45 minute blog. That's another $337.50 I'll have to bill to NOW. Not that anyone reads this, but I can't imagine I'll be blogging on the weekends much. It's really only worth blogging when I can charge it to someone else.

Vayos Con Dios,
Badonkablogger

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are insane and should burn in hell. You border on criminal!

August 6, 2004 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger ServiceToWhom said...

I can relate to your way of thinking and I agree with you about the cage/cave theory. Both sexes are very possesive, but females take it to a whole new level. So, needless to say I enjoyed your post.

October 20, 2005 at 1:14 PM  

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