Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Gone With The Badonkablogger

Yesterday was a busy ass mess. Met with clients all day. Explain to them every little detail of what we're trying to do for them and protect them from. I don't know why I complain though. I get paid all the same. People are a pain in the ass to deal with though. That's my introverted side. My extroverted side rarely comes out anymore. It's given up hope of finding intelligent life with a five mile radius of me at all times.

Here are some things that bug me a lot lately while driving.

When someone stops at a red light and they don't pull up all the way to that white line. Why do you leave enough space for two cars in front of you? So you don't strain your neck looking up at the light?

People who try to merge onto the highway at 20mph. I'm going to run your ass over if you pull in front of me doing 20mph while Im doing 70.

Worst of all. Left lane rangers. They are the scourge of the earth. I'm the asshole who flicks my brights at you and swerves around you to cut you off when you won't move. Get the fuck out of the fast lane! I bought a programmable scrolling LED license plate for my car. I've got 5 messages in it. It can only store 5.

"Get out of the fast lane asshole!"
"Turn your brights off asshole!"
"Ride my ass a little closer and I'll slam my brakes on asshole!"
"Quit picking your nose, everyone can see you!"
"I'm 6'2", 210. You wouldn't stand a chance!"

I've had fun with that thing, its theraputic. I used to stress in my car all the time. Now, I know they get my message, and it's quite satisfying.

I had to put the last one in, because I cut some guy off and gave him the 1st message. He followed me for 20 miles until we got to a restaurant. My date was freaking out thinking he was going to shoot me or something. I calmly got out of the car and went to her side to open her door. Once he saw me he drove off. He looked like a little guy, probably 5'7", 160lbs or so. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a fighter. I'm a lover. But people always liked to start fights with me. Especially the little guys. I used to be really skinny, so it was to my benefit to put on 30lbs. Thank god for home gyms, because I hate working out anywhere else.

We've got a gym in my office and in my condo. Really nice ones, precor cardio equipment, lots of free weights and pretty much everything else. But, being the introvert, I prefer to work out alone. I've got a 3 bedroom with a loft, overlooking the city and old steel plant. The loft serves as my home gym and when I'm done I can go out on the deck and relax in the hot tub. I know what you're thinking about the hot tub. Egg drop soup. No way... Im germophopic too. No sex in the hot tub. In the event it does happen the pool man gets a call to empty it, sanitize it, and re-fill it.

I like the Precor elliptical machine, but my brother who's a P.T., says the angle on the old models is bad for your knees, and said the Life Fitness line is better. So I bought the X9 model. Slick machine. I've got the individual dumb-bells because Im too lazy to switch plates on the other ones. 10lbs up to 75lbs. Rubber edged ones with nice grooves on the handle. Very easy to use.

I used to have this pro-spot fitness machine, but the electronics on it kept locking up. Sold that and now I just have a 3 stage machine with a smith machine built into it. Pretty much covers everything. I don't do much on the machine other then lats and using the smith part when its stuff you'd normally want a spotter for. I probably should have figured out what the max load up in that loft is. Someday everything is probably going to go crashing through the floor and onto me while I'm sleeping. Hopefully someone will be with me and they'll be on top to soften the blow.

Thinking of someone on top has me now thinking about sex. I used to think that women in their early and late 30's were the wild ones. It seems like it used to be that way. Anymore though, these young 20 something ones are wild. It's like a new revolution or something. It's sheik for them to be bi. Nothing wrong with that. I love it. The seem as commitment-phobic as I am, and almost materialistic as I am. There is something nice to be said about waking up next to a pretty, petite, naked woman. I can't help remember this time when I had been seeing this girl for a few weeks. I knew it was time to call it quits when before she got into bed, she starting pressing her boobs. I asked her wtf she was doing??? Turns out she has to "massage" her implants twice a day. What a rigorous routine that must be. I love implants, but I don't want to know that much about them.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll have to keep that in mind gym san diego

October 27, 2005 at 8:43 AM  

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