Friday, August 13, 2004

The Devil's Badonkablogger

It's grey, it's dreary, it's Friday. Not good boating weather, but the rest of the weekend is supposed to be ok. Hopefully it will be nice and scorching tomorrow so the sun goddesses can run around and give themself skin cancer. Otherwise I don't know what I'd do. Maybe actually try and talk to them, but it's usually easier trying to communicate with my dog.

This has been quite an uneventful week. Quiet at work, quiet at home. Maybe I'm just getting old. I guess old is relative. I'm 31 by the way, so poke you're fun!

This morning I was checking my voice mail, and had a message from my investment broker. Apparently he's managed to lose about 25% in a matter of a week. He didn't even have the balls to say it to me in person. I really wasn't upset, hell, if it were that easy to invest money and you could guarantee a return, none of us would be working. Work sucks by the way. I need a vacation.

I usually take vacations by myself. People treat you a little strange when you go places by yourself, especially on vacation. They are always trying to set me up with their divorced sister or friend. For the love of god, please don't try to set me up on dates. I don't want a serious relationship, I don't want a wife, I don't want kids. A lot of things irritate me. I am easily irritated though. I get irritated when Im at the grocery store actually trying to buy something, and some broad tries to strike up a conversation with me about how ripe is the fruit? How the fuck would I know that? If you're trying to pick me up, is that the best you can come up with? Guys get poked fun at all the time for their cheesy attempts at meeting women, but women are ten times worse. They think they can bat their eyes and smile and I'll be interested. It annoys me when I am called shallow because I won't go out with someone who's overweight. A general rule I follow is at 5'6", you should be 110 lbs, for every inch over 5'6", you can add 5 lbs. Obviously if you have some outrageously large cans, there are exceptions.

The receptionist at the front desk is an overweight girl. Not obese, but I've seen her in a belly shirt and she shouldn't be wearing one. She's like every other young receptionist we've had here. She thinks she going to find some stud here to support her lazy, ice cream eating, fat ass, and marry her. In 5 years here, we've gone through probably a dozen receptionists. Several who have even been gifted with looks, body and personality. None have managed to land anyone here. Not that landing one of us would be a big accomplishment. I actually feel bad for the poor woman who has to settle down with our type. We're arrogant, pompous, condescending and demeaning. On a bad day, we're worse. We're materialistic, that new Infiniti g35 is more important to us then you, at least for the first 3 months of the lease. I don't wear a watch, but if I did, it would be a really expensive one. I get made fun of by the other guys here because I'm "ghetto" and don't wear a watch. I quip back that I pay the secretaries to wear a watch and tell me what time it is when I need to. Every now and then I call them up on the phone and ask them what time it is, just to let them know who's in charge.

I noticed I type awful, and spell even worse. You'd think with all of the schooling I've had, I might have some skills in this department. I don't. I live by the spell checker and grammar checker. Even then I still run everything by a proof reader. I sometimes don't even spell check or grammar check it, I just send it off to the proof reader. They must really hate me. I imagine they think I probably have the IQ of a carrot. That might be giving me too much credit though. My only saving grace is that I make friends easy. So I can leech off of them. It's how I got through school. Undergraduate school was terribly, terribly difficult. Schroedinger equation, Laplace transforms, Heisenberg uncertainty principle. I remember those names, but I couldn't tell you what the hell they mean, or solve any problems with them anymore. Sometimes I wish I would have put my engineering degree to use. That seems like it would have been exciting at least. It was a lot easier to study in undergrad. The ratio of men to attractive women in engineering approaches infinity. There isn't much else to do in class but pay attention. Some of the biggest drinkers I knew were engineers though.

It's after 3 here. Today I feel like a banker. Today I will incorporate bankers hours. Enjoy your weekend.

Live long and badonkadonk,


Blogger He said, She said said...

Just found your blog. I have been working hard boating and tanning all summer in order to join the Olympic tanning team. Maybe it will happen for me... Although apparently at 29 I am pushing my luck, time is not on my side. I must say I do look tanned and toned, if nothing else.

August 13, 2004 at 2:14 PM  

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