Monday, August 16, 2004

Badonkablogger Glen Ross

Ok, I'm back from lunch. I've mentioned before that I'll never be a partner. One of the reasons I won't is because I despise the movie "Glengarry Glen Ross". What a piece of shit movie. Every half wit person who has to sell anything for a living swears by this movie. I met a guy once who swore by "ABC", "Always be closing". Now I hadn't known this guy one bit, but he felt the need to strike up a conversation with me at a friends place. He worked for one of the big 5 consulting companies and was having difficulty meeting women in the area. I frankly told him that besides the fact that he relied on his "ABC" mentality, and had no personality, that he was pretty much unattractive, and very few women at this party were going to give him the time of day. After that I think I gave him a complex, he started showing up at my gym every other day.

I'll give the partners credit, they can sell. They bring in new business and keep my sorry ass employed. The bull dyke partner has her lesbian connections, and the personality of a carrot. Other then that though, the other guys could sell sand to an arab. They have personality oozing out of their pores, the problem is that they are also big assholes. Not that I'm not an asshole. I just don't hide it. There are some qualities I deem necessary to bring in new business and become a partner:

Arrogance. I have plenty of that. I snub my nose a the little people with the best of them. I often remind myself of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, minus the homocidal tendencies.

Ignorance. It's debatable whether or not I have this quality. I'll give myself the benefit of the doubt and say I probably do. My world is a vacuum.

Persuasiveness. I definitely have this. I can talk two nuns into having an menage a trois with me. Convinced blood sisters to make out in front of each other. No shortage of this.

Personality. I'm lacking some of this. Being manic-depressive, if you catch me on the up, I'm prince charming. Catch me when I'm down, and you'd wonder how I got anywhere in life. It all seems like too much of an act for me to put forward this face 100% of the time.

Bullshitting(AKA lieing). Here's where I start to fall short. I'm not a good liar. I'm honest to a fault. I tell people I don't like them when they ask. "Does my ass look big in these pants?", "Your ass looks big period!". "Do these look real?", "They look like you paid $8000 for them.".

I've drummed up the occasional business and gotten the old 'atta boy' for it. Had several one on ones with the senior partners on why I don't push myself more and try for that partnership. I'm not motivated enough to push myself. About the only way I would push myself is if the Playboy Mansion relocated itself here, and I had to get their business. That's not happening anytime soon though.

I'll part with these words of wisdom, "Ugliness is only a state of 4 dimensions."

Badonkablogger.


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